The first year of a child’s life is truly incredible as they learn and become more independent. But with that comes more challenging and unwanted behavior. (Hello tantrums!) Just like with earlier milestones, it is up to us as parents to set healthy, loving boundaries.
In this article, we will dive into what is happening inside your one-year-old’s growing brain and what discipline should look like at this age. The key takeaway is that disciplining one-year-olds is not about punishment. Instead, it is all about teaching.
What You Should Do
At last, here are some ideas that you should try when disciplining a one-year-old. You shouldn’t wait until you see bad behavior to start teaching discipline. Do these things right now to decrease unwanted behavior and to teach right from wrong.
Recognize Good Behavior
We do not want to teach our little ones that they only get attention from their favorite person ever (you!) when they do something naughty. Praise them when they are behaving!
This might sound like, “Wow, I love your drawing! I see you coloring so nicely on the paper. Paper is where we color. You are such a good artist!”
Or, “Look at you building a tower with your blocks! Blocks are for stacking. Great job!”
We don’t want to only jump in to say, “No, don’t color on the walls!” or “No, don’t throw blocks at your brother!” Do you see the difference? Be on the lookout and recognize good behavior.
Eliminate Causes
This goes without saying, but it is important to baby-proof areas your child spends time and plays in. Parents need to create safe environments for curious toddlers.
If there are chargers and computer cords all over the place, chances are your child will make a beeline for them. Since these are not safe items for one-year-olds to play with, eliminating a cause for unwanted behavior from your little one’s environment is a great proactive move.
I know this is easier said than done, and no matter what you do, your child will still get into the cabinet with the pots and pans. To a certain extent, we have to let them explore and let them be little. My best tip for this is to keep plastic bowls, wooden spoons, or other items that don’t break within their reach. That way, they can be close to you without the potential of seriously hurting themselves.
Redirect or Distract
Perhaps the above example goes awry, and your one-year-old starts using the wooden spoon to try to hit a sibling rather than bang it on a pot or pan.
In this scenario, remove the spoon and redirect the behavior in one of two ways.
- First example: “Wooden spoons are not for hitting brother/sister. This is how mommy uses to spoon. (Demonstrate stirring a pot). We use spoons to help us make yummy food.”
- Second example: “Wooden spoons are not for hitting brother/sister. Let’s read a book instead!”
A one-year-old’s attention span is so short, he or she would have gotten bored of the spoon soon enough anyways. Distract them with a new activity or item!
Stop It Before It Starts
Anticipation is key. You know your little one better than anyone, and you can often anticipate their tantrum triggers, such as being tired or hungry.
One-year-olds thrive on routines and schedules. Continue to offer regular meals, snacks, and a nap to keep them from getting overtired or hungry. This should help limit unwanted behavior and tantrums, especially when you’re out in public.
Acknowledge Emotions
Your one-year-old is just like you. They can feel angry, sad, frustrated, happy, scared, etc. The difference is that your little one is still learning how to cope with these feelings and express them in an appropriate way.
Feeling these emotions is a great thing! It means they are developing normally. When your one-year-old is crying hysterically, your response should not be, “Stop crying!” Try this instead: “I know you are feeling so upset. Mommy is here for you. Do you want to read a book together to help calm down?”
Just like you, when you are upset, the last thing you want to hear from someone is, “Stop being upset!” You want to feel heard and validated. The same goes for your little one.
Try a “Time-In”
As discussed in the previous section, the jury is out when it comes to time-outs for one-year-olds. Many people believe they are ineffective since young toddlers have a tough time connecting consequences.
While independent play is important, it is a great idea to mix in a healthy balance of playing together. So try what we like to call a “time-in.” All your one-year-old wants is your attention, whether good or bad. Now, this is really hard when you have multiple children, a sink full of dirty dishes, loads of laundry to do, etc., but you can ward off unwanted behavior by offering plenty of playtimes together.
A time-in, coupled with recognizing good behavior, can help in teaching your one-year-old that bad behavior is not the only thing that gets your attention.
A time-in might also be something to try if your child is throwing a tantrum. Often, our gut reaction is to send children to a time-out when they are misbehaving. But imagine the fear and uncertainty that a young toddler must experience when a parent sends him or her away, even for a short while, when upset.
So the next time this happens, perhaps give your crying toddler a hug and say, “It is okay to be upset. It is not okay to bite. Mommy will be right here with you until you calm down.” This clearly communicates right from wrong, while also giving your child loving support.
Focus on the Positives
The American Academy of Pediatrics offers this tip to infants, but it works great for toddlers too. The idea here is to focus on positive words instead of negative ones. As an example, instead of saying “don’t stand,” try stating “time to sit.”
Your one-year-old, like you, enjoys knowing what they can do, instead of constantly being told what they cannot do. If you have a toddler who loves to throw their milk bottle or cup at mealtime, along with packing your patience, try saying, “Milk bottles are for drinking,” instead of simply saying, “Stop throwing that!”
It will take some time, but soon enough, it should stick!
Model Desired Behavior
You are your child’s hero, and he or she will want to copy things you say and do. It is so important to model good behavior for them. This includes how you talk to partners, family members, strangers, and so forth.
Modeling good behavior can be especially helpful when interacting with pets. Sitting with your young toddler and showing them how to be gentle and pet furry friends with open hands is a great example.
Or if you are playing together, share a toy with them while narrating what you are doing. “Mommy is sharing this block with you, so you can play with it. Then it will be mommy’s turn again. Sharing is kind and fun!” It might seem silly to you at first, but trust me, it helps your little one connect the dots!
Ignore Some Behaviors
Do not be fooled by the word “ignore.” Ignoring these situations does not mean neglect. Because your one-year-old craves your attention, it can be helpful to ignore them when they start misbehaving. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says ignoring is a very active process for the parent.
Behaviors that you can ignore include whining, interrupting, and tantrums, so long as he or she is not in any harm or pain. When you are ignoring, the CDC says you do not look at your child or talk to him. Ignore protests or excuses to get your attention.
Use your discretion to see when ignoring might work. For some children, ignoring will only make them more upset, so read the situation and trust your instincts.
Why Should I Ignore My Child’s Misbehavior?
Ignoring can help you reduce your child’s misbehavior. Remember that children love attention. Negative attention like screaming or yelling can be rewarding to a child. This is true especially if you were not paying attention to your child before the misbehavior started. By giving your child attention during tantrums, you may accidentally reward the behavior and increase the chance it will happen again. When you ignore some misbehaviors, you can make it less likely your child will do the behavior again.
Acknowledge Conflicts
The American Academy of Pediatrics says you should acknowledge conflicts between siblings but avoid taking sides.
For example, if an argument arises about a toy, put the toy away and say something like, “All done with this toy. Toys are for sharing. Let’s try again later. Right now, let’s color together!”
Stay Consistent
Healthy boundaries are very important. The tips above do not mean you should ignore bad or unwanted behavior or let things that your young toddler does not understand slide. Staying consistent in enforcing limits and setting boundaries is a great idea.
If your one-year-old is hurting him or herself or others, you must step in immediately and remove your toddler from the situation firmly but lovingly.
Stay Calm
This may be the hardest discipline tip of them all, especially if you have a screaming toddler throwing the most epic tantrum in the middle of the grocery store.
But your heightened emotions plus their heightened emotions are a bad mix. If you are in the middle of a tantrum, stay as calm as you can, acknowledge their feelings and try to de-escalate the situation. This does not mean giving in and buying them the lollipop (though it does not make you a bad parent if you cave once in a while. Just be prepared it will happen again.
De-escalating the situation could look like preventing the tantrum before it happens or avoiding grocery shopping near nap or mealtime. It could also look like redirecting: “I know you want that lollipop. We can’t have that right now, but I have some yummy snacks for you in the car/at home. Let’s go get some!”
What You Should Not Do
Before we dive into what you should do, let’s talk about some controversial disciplining methods and what the experts say about them.
First off, spanking is a big no from pediatricians and early child development experts.
In a 2022 study published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, researchers found that spanking of toddlers was associated with subsequent aggressive behavior in preschool and school-aged children. Repeated use of spanking as a discipline also negatively impacted the parent-child relationship and increased the risk of mental health disorders and cognitive problems in children.
At one year old, your baby’s brain is still developing and learning. And as a parent, you are the most important person in his or her life. To be met with physical harm for something they don’t quite comprehend from the one person they rely on for everything can be very damaging.
The same goes for harsh words, shaming, and verbal abuse. The American Academy of Pediatrics says yelling at children and using words to cause emotional pain is harmful. This is true even if parents are otherwise warm and loving and only speak harshly in times of discipline.
While spanking and verbal abuse are clear do not’s, time-0uts are more of a gray area. Some parents swear by this tried-and-true method, but others find it a bit more controversial, especially as a method for disciplining young toddlers.
One-year-olds may not grasp the idea of sitting alone for a period of time because of something they did. Remember, they are still learning to understand cause and effect. Because of this, some parents find that time-outs are simply ineffective for one-year-olds.
What Is Happening Inside a One-Year-Old’s Brain?
A child’s brain develops the most in life during the years after birth up to five years of age, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
And experiences in those first five years – both positive and negative – shape how their brain develops. A child’s interactions with caregivers have a lasting impact on his or her ability to learn and succeed in school and in life, the CDC says.
With this in mind, it is important that a parent or caregiver’s response to difficult, age-appropriate behavior is one that is nurturing and responsive.
Here is a glimpse of what the American Academy of Pediatrics says is happening in a growing toddler’s brain and behavior:
- Your child is starting to recognize what is allowed and what is not allowed. He or she will begin to test rules to see how you react to certain situations.
- Tantrums are becoming more common as your child struggles to master new skills and situations.
- Your one-year-old is still learning how to express him or herself verbally. Toddlers cannot say, “I’m angry,” or “I’m tired,” or “I’m hungry.” Instead, they may resort to hitting, biting, or other aggressive behaviors to express their discomfort or frustration.
What Does Discipline Mean to One-Year-Olds?
We’ve stated this before, but it bears repeating: disciplining children is about teaching, not punishing.
The definition of discipline is to train someone to obey rules or a code of behavior. The word’s Latin origin translates to “instruction” and “knowledge.” Remember, your child is just beginning to learn right from wrong, and it is up to you to teach them in a loving way.
At this young age, the concept of consequences may not stick. For example, saying “you cannot have this toy because you hit your brother,” is not something your one-year-old will understand because he or she is still learning to link cause and effect.
If consequences don’t work, what’s a parent to do? Not to worry, we will get into the practical do’s and do not’s of disciplining a young toddler, but keep in mind your child is a sponge and picks up on everything. The last thing you want is to teach them that only bad behavior gets your attention.
Final Word
Teaching discipline to a child at any age is challenging, but it is especially so for young toddlers who cannot quite communicate their needs and who are still learning to understand the consequences of their actions.
You may feel like a broken record and that your best efforts are not yielding better behavior. As a parent of a one-year-old myself, I’m speaking from experience. It is hard, and I often find myself feeling discouraged and frustrated. Sometimes, moms just need a moment away to rest and reflect.
But I have found being generous in praise and spending uninterrupted, quality time with my daughter, even if it is for 5 to 10 minutes at a time, have worked wonders for us both.
If you are in the thick of one-year-old temper tantrums, know you are not alone and this season, like the ones before it, will pass. Once babies turn one year old, you may notice your once voracious eater is becoming pickier at mealtime. Or perhaps your once go-with-the-flow baby is now very vocal about what he or she likes and dislikes. This is all part of healthy brain development.
