High school graduation is a big milestone for all parents. It is the time that your little bird finally gets to vacate the nest! You will officially have one less responsibility on your plate, or so you thought. Unfortunately, many parents experience the surprising realization that their adult child is not quite ready to leave home. This begs to question, when should a child move out?
The Facts
The average age for an individual to move away from home is nineteen. However, around 50% of college students plan to move back home after graduating.
While this can be an understandable thought if your child is actively looking for a job, after a few months, this assumption can turn into what seems like a neverending burden that many parents feel that they have to bear.
In fact, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, “By age 27, about 90 percent of [young adults born between 1980 and 1984] had left their parental households at least once and more than 50 percent of them had moved back at some point after moving out.”
As a parent, you have lived and breathed for this person for the past eighteen years. However, you remained committed during that time, and now deserve to prioritize your needs, regain your financial freedom and have the time to reconnect with your significant other! However, while it would be nice to cut the cord sooner rather than later, here are some things to consider before jumping the gun.
Things to Consider
Academics
If your child is enrolled in a university, junior college, trade school, or a career-based training program, this is an investment period that will pay out for their future. By allowing them to live at home for academic breaks or even throughout the year, you are giving them the latitude to fully focus on their education.
A good rule of thumb for college students is to dedicate two hours of private study for every hour that they spend in the classroom. Therefore, if your child is taking 15 hours each semester, they will spend anywhere from 15 to 30 hours in class each week (depending on labs and special lecture classes) and another 30 hours to study. That is a 45 to 60 hour week!
By allowing them to work on their education without the worry of having to make ends meet, you are giving them a better opportunity to succeed! Moreover, if they are not holding a job, they can take more college credits each semester. This can make graduating on time a much more attainable goal.
Student Loans
By letting your college student continue to live at home while in school, you are also going to save a pretty penny if you are the one footing their tuition bill! As of 2021, if your child attends a four-year, in-state public college, you can expect to pay around $11,000 for room and board each year! If their college is nearby, this is a decision that has the ability to benefit you and your kid. Not having to worry about room and board costs are extremely helpful in lessening their student debt.
Ways To Save
Living at home can also allow your child to save some money if they choose to work while in school. As of 2018, 43% of full-time students and 81% of part-time students were employed during their academic ventures. By giving the opportunity to pocket some cash while living rent-free, you can set your child up for success when they graduate and finally move into their own place.
Something to note — for the parents who have a less-than-thrifty kid on their hands, consider taking a small sum for “rent” each month. This can help them to get used to the idea of their money not always being meant for fun. While you teach them this essential responsibility, put the money in a trust or savings account. Then let them dip into it once they graduate.
Internships
Unfortunately, many internships equate to free labor. Your child will get experience, but no cold hard cash to pay any bills. While inconvenient for you, if they are serious about this career path, it can behoove you to give them a little grace during this time frame.
This is especially true for programs that hire a certain number of prospects out of the intern pool. By letting them focus on this trial job, they could be out of your hair sooner than you think!
Health Conditions
If your child has been diagnosed with a chronic illness that truly impedes their ability to live on their own or live in certain environments, such as places with stairs, try to find a compromise so that you get some independence, but still allow them to have a safe place to stay.
Certain scenarios, like if they were diagnosed with cancer or needed dialysis, are completely out of their control. Having family members to lean on is imperative.
Drawing The Line
All parents want what is best for their kids. However, there comes a point where they are taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. It is important that once their eighteenth birthday hits, you start to implement some tough love.
If your child is heading off to college, enrolled in a training program, or starting an internship, take the time to sit down and create a plan. How long are you comfortable with your child continuing their stay at home? What are the stipulations for this scenario continuing?
The Motivated Child
It is advised that you set a clear-cut time frame, grade requirements, and house rules. This should be done prior to your kids starting this new chapter in life. Surprisingly, 59% of students take longer than four years to complete their undergraduate degree. Thus, express that the free room and board will continue for four consecutive years. If they choose to take a break from school or to extend their educational journey, the bill is being transferred to them.
Then as those four years start to come to a close, remind them of your agreement. For the child who is considering a Master’s program or Medical school at the same college, they may be looking to stay put at home. However, at 22 they need to start taking financial responsibility for their life. Therefore, if you are tired of getting stuck with the bill, you have two options. Either tell them a reasonable move-out date or start charging rent and put those funds towards your regular expenses.
The Unmotivated Child
If your child is unemployed and unengaged in building their resume, it is time for you to have a candid conversation about their living situation. The first step is to give them a firm deadline to vacate and to stick to it. Moreover, it is important that you and your spouse maintain a united front.
Three to six months is a reasonable amount of time for your child to find a decent job and move out. According to the folks at Glassdoor, it takes an average of two to eight weeks to receive an answer on a job application. Hence, time is of the essence and the more applications the better!
Require progress reports on the jobs that they have applied for and what they have heard back on. Make sure that they are following up with the companies to ensure that they remain on the hiring manager’s radar.
Finally, transfer any applicable bills into their name. The phone bill, insurance, car payments, and student loans should all be their responsibility, not yours.
Financial Responsibility
We all want our dream job and ideal schedule. However, life is not always that generous. Here is a reality check — over 50% of people are not satisfied with their job. Moreover, 80% are not passionate about what they do for a living. In other words, life is not always fun.
It is important that you give your child a firm deadline. The excuse that “no jobs are available right now” or that “no one is hiring in the industry” is unfortunate. Nonetheless, bills still have to be paid. Thus, they can find another opportunity or they can find other accommodations while they wait things out.
In case they needed some motivation — Costco starts their minimum wage at $16 per hour, Walmart managers make approximately $112,000 per year and the national average for dog walkers is around $15 per hour. Even taking a part-time job could help them to get on their feet.
Requiring A Financial Contribution
If you are providing free room and board, food and laundry services as well as unlimited supplies, you are doing your child a disservice. In order to get your child out the door, they need a dose of reality. It is your house, so make sure to implement some rules.
First, start requiring rent and maintenance around the house. The lawn needs cutting, the dishwasher needs unloading and your adult child needs to contribute. This also includes grocery shopping. If there are four people in the house, then he needs to pay for groceries for one out of the four weeks of the month.
Moreover, he needs to contribute to the utilities. If he watches television or uses the internet, he is required to pay a part of the bill. Water and electricity are also on the docket. Do not make life easy for him!
Removing Luxuries
When your child claims that they don’t have the money to complete these tasks, then find ways for them to earn the funds. Furthermore, limit what they have access to in the fridge and in terms of amenities. Television, alcohol, snacks, and video games are for people who deserve a break after completing a long, hard workday. If they are not working, then they do not need to relax with these luxuries.
Finally, set a curfew. If they want to party at 2 AM, then they can find their own place to engage in those types of activities. Limit the number of guests that your child can have over to the house. Also, establish a cutoff time for when they need to leave.
Protecting Yourself
Most importantly, get everything in writing. This means the agreed-upon living situation, the house rules that are in place, payment plans, and the firm deadline for finding new accommodations. Sadly, in some cases, ungrateful children see this decision as a betrayal. Moreover, certain states and cities have laws protecting the child, despite the fact that they are an adult.
Take the time to check into the regulations where you live before you start this process. The last thing you want is for your child to sue you over an action that you should be fully in your rights to do.
How To Better Prepare Your Child
Build a Reasonable Budget
If you have never paid a bill, then how do you know what to expect? Do some research in your area and determine the average cost of rent, utilities, internet, television, and insurance. Estimate the cost of food and supplies for a month. Realistically, this total is what your child will likely need to make in order to afford what they need.
Next, sit down and discuss ways to cut back. Shave clubs, gaming subscriptions, gym memberships, and regular outings with friends can be costly. A big part of being an adult is prioritizing your financial responsibilities.
Get Them Organized
In order for your child to get a decent job and move out of the house, then they will need the right paperwork. This includes a professional resume, cover letters, a references list, and potentially a portfolio of their related work. Spending a weekend getting these documents in order can make a colossal difference in the success of their job search.
Additionally, make sure they have all of their legal documents handy. In order to truly be independent, they will need their birth certificate, social security card, passport, and any other documentation.
FAQs – When Should A Child Move Out?
How do I handle my child trying to boomerang back into our home after we already got her to leave?
First, have an open and honest conversation about why she thinks returning home is necessary. Next, discuss alternative options that she has available and ways that you can help in this transition. Finally, if you do decide to let her come home, get an agreement in writing of your requirements for while at home. Also, determine the deadline for her to vacate once again.
What are other ways that I can help my child find a job and move out?
First impressions are everything! Thus, get your child the appropriate attire to land a job. Moreover, make sure that their grooming matches this professional look! A haircut, shave, and shower are extremely important prior to any interview.
Additionally, many times an individual doesn’t believe they can make it on their own because they don’t have the proper supplies to live. If you have the means or the extra items lying around, consider offering to help your child purchase basic living necessities like a bed, sofa, and dresser. This can help them to get on their feet and it is an incentive to move out sooner!
What can I do if my child resists leaving?
First, talk to them about the reason for the resistance. Next, consider having them speak with a therapist, family friend, or church leader to try and change their perspective on the matter.
Finally, if this is occurring after the agreed-upon time to vacate, it might be time to sever ties the hard way. Find them a reasonable place to stay, help them pack up their things, and usher them out. Always remember to ensure that you are following the laws in your area of residence before making this move.
Final Thoughts
When a child should move out is completely dependent on your family, your financial situation, your child’s motivations, and of course, their age. While high school graduation seems like a spectacular time to transition out of the family home, it is important to be realistic about their ability to obtain a job that will support a basic lifestyle.
Having a degree or knowledge of a trade is imperative for landing a job in this current economic climate. Thus, lending them a helping hand during this transition period can make a big difference in your child’s ability to support themselves financially. Keep in mind that they are much more likely to boomerang back to your doorstep if they are not equipped with the tools to succeed.
Even if you decide that they need to start helping with the monthly bills, this is a step in the right direction. Take the time to sit down with your child to discuss their future and create a plan for them to turn their goals into a reality! Lastly, throughout this process, remember to be supportive, honest, and kind. It is likely that you have been in their shoes, so be someone they can lean on while they find their footing.
