How Gender Neutrality is Failing Our Children

25 years ago, gender was simply not debatable. A child was born as male or female, and stayed as such. Those who decided to switch gender were usually frowned upon and outcast from society for creating a separate reality.

Now, in an attempt to embrace each and every member of society, gender neutrality has caught on and become popular. Gone are the days of he, she, pink, and blue. Now it’s an all expansive culture in which gender can be whatever the individual wants it to be, and gender norms and biology can be forgotten.

I believe in loving all people, no matter what. We are simply called to love one another, with no stipulations and no judgement. So in the spirit of love, I would like to explain why I believe that gender should not be debatable, and why gender neutrality is actually taking away from society, and not adding to it.

Biological Basics: Male and Female

First, let’s start in the realm of basic biology with some anatomy and physiology.

Female humans, those born with an XX chromosome, gestate and lactate. They have statistically smaller sized brains, and have bone differences, like a wider pelvis.

Male humans, those born with an XY chromosome, are not able to gestate or lactate. Their brains are, on the average, larger by 1000 to 2000 cubic centimeters. They have increased upper body strength, and more rough muscle structure and development.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/busting-myths-about-human-nature/201205/men-and-women-are-the-same-species.  

Within this biological realm, men and women also experience hormones at different patterns and levels, which have different effects on the brain and therefore behavior.

Men and women have distinct aspects that have been specifically attributed to sex, like:

• Muscle strength and size
• Timing of puberty
• Mortality rates
• Risk aversion

When we ignore these basic biological facts, we are ignoring how we were created and designed to function. And it can have a strong impact on society as a whole.

Gender Identity

Beyond biology is the realm of the social norms for men and women, which influence thinking about gender.

For years, our parents and grandparents heard phrases like you run like a girl! or your figure is boyish or stop acting like a boy/girl. Gender norms that were dictated by society were strictly enforced upon our forefathers. Each gender was told to stay in their lane and do what was normal, as determined by cultural influences.

Now, we have gone in the completely opposite direction.

We’ve erased the lines drawn between the genders and encouraged our young people to go wherever and create their own norms. Girls are encouraged to wear whatever they like, play sports, or play with dolls whatever works for them. Likewise, boys are encouraged to try out their skills in the kitchen just as much as they should try out their skills in the field.

There is no distinction between the behavior of the sexes.

Some children are being explicitly taught that they can choose their sex and gender. Gender at birth is simply a statistic that can be changed. And in turn, progressives are claiming that a gender-neutral posture will result in more life success. We are beginning to equate the bucking of the status quo with a better life.  

Benefits of Gender Neutrality

The most obvious benefit of gender neutrality is that with good intentions, we try not to make anyone feel misunderstood or unloved.

Now, there are some cases where I believe that gender neutrality is actually a good thing.

For example, we recently went to a meeting for the Boy Scouts of America, in which they explain their Cub Scout program. The Cub Scout program is made for boys and girls, not just little guys anymore. This can be a good thing, because I believe that it gives young women the opportunity to learn skills that they might not learn elsewhere.

Some people are up in arms about girls being allowed into the Boy Scouts, but is it all bad? If the Girl Scouts aren’t offering a comparable curriculum and programs, why is it not OK for a girl to seek out the Cub Scouts in order to learn skills like survival, engineering, building and hunting if the Girl Scouts doesn’t teach it?

Perhaps the antiquated idea of boys learning to do manly things and girls learning to do womanly things is not useful anymore. After all, we do live in a culture where jobs are not as divided by gender or sex. And allowing children to choose their passions based on what comes naturally to them, and not according to the cultural norm, can help them grow.

I do believe that some practices of the gender neutral approach can help to create well-rounded children, but what I disagree with is removing gender from the equation altogether. Which leads me to my next hot topic

Gender Neutral Language

You can’t call it a mailman or a fireman anymore. Now they go by mail carriers and fire fighters. There has been a strong movement to remove all gender-sensitive words from our world, in order to fight back against gender-based language.

The argument here is that a girl might not want to grow up to be a police officer if we call it a policeman. And while that isn’t all bad, the problem is that we’ve moved past that.

One mental health counselor put it this way:

Using gendered terms, such as ladies and gentlemen,’ is highly presumptions, especially in today’s society, in which many persons are aware that they don’t identify as male or female and therefore are uncomfortable with this type of language.

In response to this, we’ve stopped using terms like he or she. But is this new pronoun obsession healthy, or just another way that people are trying to reinvent self?”

Is Society Dictating the Future of our Children?

Here’s a good example of this in action. I recently had a ultrasound where I found out the gender of my baby. Both the ultrasound technician and my doctor told me it’s a boy! My doctor, then sputtered, Errr, I mean, this baby has boy parts. I sort of laughed it off and said so it’s definitely a boy then? and he said, Yes, but I’m not allowed to say that anymore. I am not supposed to determine the gender of your child. All I’m supposed to say is the physiological parts that I can see.

But isn’t it a doctor’s job to tell me what gender, what sex, my baby is? Stating that my child is biologically a male in no way dictates his future- his personality, his passion, his goals, and his success.

Consequences for Offence

But that’s not uncommon. One state has changed the wording in their school curriculum to state sex assigned at birth instead of biological gender. We’ve gone so far as to even take nature out of the equation!

And if you use the wrong pronoun, like calling someone who prefers zed a he? Some states have monetary fines upwards of $250,000 for employers.

Perhaps we’ve become just too sensitive.

Catering to the Minority?

But while we are trying to get people to use inclusive and harmonious language, it’s not working. It’s actually forcing a lot of people to say things that go against their ideals. Should we really re-structure our society, our language, and our lives to cater to the 0.6% of American adults that identify as transgender, or the 4.5% that identify as LGBT?

If we are truly doing this to be fair to all, is it really ending up being fair to all?

Why We Need Gender

I’ve gone through the background and the issues. Now to the meat: here’s why I think that defined gender is a very good thing.

Gender is Special, Unique, and Intentional

First, it actually makes each child even more special. In an age where we preach that all gender ideals are created to keep people from feeling special, I feel that it’s quite the opposite. Each child is especially created with a purpose, including a purpose for the humankind.

Girls are created to raise and have babies, whereas boys are created to be providers and protectors. Now, that doesn’t mean that a boy can’t be a strong protector and also bake a mean cake in a kitchen he cleaned himself. And that doesn’t mean that a little girl can’t be a loving mother and a champion fishing pro. It simply means that we should embrace our biological truth and not be afraid of the characteristics that come with it.

Gender is Our Natural Identity

Second, if there is no gender, what does your child identify as? We all self-label. Whether it’s man, woman, Republican, Gryffindor, House Stark, or something else, we all pick a side. But what happens when there are no sides to choose?

Children search for identity. And most children will naturally turn to their identity found in their biological gender. If we give them a healthy and natural choice to identify with, male or female, that’s good for their overall emotional and physical development.

And it’s also okay to tell them that their body, their gender, contributes to some of the things they enjoy or feel good doing. It’s also okay to tell them that they are unique to their sex because of the different characteristics that they have.

Children attempt to self label, and look to parents for help. Should we say you are all man and should never cry? Absolutely not. Emotions are part of all human life. But we certainly shouldn’t say Well, you are a boy that cries easily, so you must be a non-binary individual.

We are placing our own biases and beliefs on our children by encouraging them not to accept their gender. Just because a little boy likes to design clothes doesn’t automatically mean that we tell him that he should have been born a little girl. It simply means that he is a unique boy with unique talents, and a great asset to his half of humanity.

You Can’t Explain Gender Away

We have failed our children by explaining gender away. We have removed one of the most special parts of being a human — our inherent sexual characteristics.

This is not an optional truth, but rather a scientific fact.

Instead of explaining that gender is both a biological, social, and emotional part of who we are going to be, we simply tell children that they can ignore it and create their own truth.

I think the better solution is to tell children to embrace who they were biologically created to be, and explain why that makes them special.

Then we encourage them to become a well-rounded individual by accepting characteristics that are often considered to belong to the opposite gender. We encourage love and acceptance, despite physiological sex differences, despite sexual behavior differences. We teach our children to love their own sex, and the opposite sex, for the unique things they have to offer.

We must get away from this gray area of gender neutrality and embrace the black-and-white truth that is male and female. Gender designation is simply staying true to who we were created to be.