Predicting how stressed out you are as a mom is tied to many different factors. We’ve identified a few common categories that influence a mom’s stress.
Check it out! Make selections with the Experienced Mommy Mom Stress Calculator. Click “See Results” to view how you rank on mom stress levels.
This is not a scientific tool as it is impossible to capture all the factors that influence your stress. But it should be intersting to see how different aspects of mom-life relate to your overall stress level.
Mom Stress Calculator
Top Reason U.S. Moms Are Stressed
According to Psychology Today, moms in the U.S. face high levels of stress when compared to moms in some other wealthy western countries. The reason is tied to the U.S. focus on the ideal of motherhood. Mothers here believe their role as the nurturer is vital to the wellbeing of their child. This places the mom’s wellbeing below that of the child.
When U.S. moms feel overwhelmed or stressed, they tend to blame themselves and feel enormous guilt. As a result, U.S. mothers believe if they could change, then the stress would subside.
This is simply not true. In fact, research shows that mothers in the U.S. have a lack of support, including policies to support working moms.
The other big factor that leads to stress for U.S. moms is the value of individualization. People in the U.S. typically have less support structure and believe they must do everything themselves. This creates a huge burden for moms.
The good news is that you are not the problem! As a mom in the U.S., your stress is normal. However, it isn’t okay.
Women need better support systems and policies to protect their role as a mom. In the meantime, don’t beat yourself up for feeling overwhelmed. Rest assured, you are not alone. Mothers all around you are feeling stressed too.
How the Age of Your Child Impacts Stress
When my children were infants, I kept thinking I would feel more in control once they were older and slept through the night. While the extra sleep did help me to feel less crazy, it did not decrease my stress. As a mom, I’ve always got something to worry about.
The stress shifted from whether they were on the right developmental track with gross motor skills to whether they were at the right reading level. I imagine as they move into the teenage years, the stress of peer pressure, driving and getting into college will feel insurmountable.
If you are a new, first-time mom, the stress is so hard. It’s important to distinguish between normal new mom stress and postpartum depression, so that you can seek the help you need. The normal stress of first time motherhood comes from the combination of hormones, lack of sleep and insecurity about meeting your baby’s needs. Hang in there! That overwhelming and exhausting feeling gets better with time.
One of the best ways to combat stress is through community. Find other moms with children near the ages of your children. You can discuss problems and connect while your children play. The feeling of camaraderie helps connect you and makes parenting feel less lonely.
Also, find moms with children older than your kids. Their wisdom and insight are great tools to help you learn and grow as a mom. Plus, if their children are older, they probably want to hold your baby or bring you a meal to help support your needs.
Join a mom’s group or established program in your local area, like MOPS or MOMS Club. The key is to not try to do it all alone. Regardless of what our U.S. culture tells us, motherhood is not about having everything figured out and motherhood has no place with individualism.
Factors that Influence Mom Stress
Sleep Deprivation
My first child didn’t sleep more than a three hour stretch until he was six months old. Then, my second child had hip dysplasia and had a spica cast from age four months to seven months. Needless to say, I was sleep-deprived. My brain couldn’t function properly and my stress levels soared.
In fact, research shows a connection between a lack of sleep and stress. Sleep deprivation creates elevated levels of stress. Unfortunately, excess stress then makes it harder to sleep. This creates a frustrating cycle. Check out our Lost Sleep Calculator to see how much sleep you’ve lost since becoming a parent.
Child’s Health
Like I mentioned above, my daughter was born with hip dysplasia. One of the most stressful moments in my life was handing her over to a nurse to take her back to the operating room for surgery. Managing your child’s health issue is not only emotionally stressful due to worry, but is also extremely time consuming.
The combination of lack of sleep, financial burden, decisions and worry over their well being is extremely stressful. Even typical issues like colds, the flu and stomach bugs disrupt the normal routine and cause increased stress. Whether your child has a chronic illness or a broken arm, remember that it is normal to feel elevated stress levels.
Finances
It’s no fun to talk about money, or the lack of money. But, if we’re going to discuss stress, we can’t ignore finances. Adding a child to the family adds strain to the budget. Whether you’re a mom that’s decided to leave work and stay home full-time or a working mom with the added expense of childcare, it’s stressful!
Debt and a lack of financial security is stressful with or without children. Yet, the responsibility of providing for your children creates worry and stress. It’s hard to balance work and home while figuring out how to cover all the expenses.
Spousal Relationship
The relationship with your spouse can also impact stress levels. A healthy and supportive marriage may lessen stress. However, if you are arguing with your spouse or in a dysfunctional relationship, peace of mind suffers. In addition to increasing the stress between you and your spouse, that stress impacts all areas of your life.
Adding a baby to a relationship changes the relationship, which may create stress. If your relationship is typically healthy, acknowledge the change and finds ways to reconnect. Make time for date nights and other times for just the two of you.
Mom’s Health
Your child’s health impacts stress levels but so does the mother’s health. Any time a parent deals with health issues, the family is impacted. This includes the spouse and children. When it’s your health, you have added stress.
As a mom, your children still need you whether you are sick or injured. The burden of a health issue while trying to manage normal family activities causes added stress. Remember to reach out to your support system to help.
Support Structure
As we discussed above, one reason moms in the U.S. are more stressed is individualism. A lack of a support structure means moms are left to navigate independently. The result is many moms think when things go wrong in their home or with their children, that it is the mom’s fault.
This belief produces a stressful environment. Also, it is a burden not to have help in the form of shared wisdom, childcare or even help around the house with chores. In fact, research shows when grandparents help with care giving, it actually reduced the stress for the grandparent too. Whether you have family close by or not, look for ways to build a support structure for the benefit of reduced stress.
Household Responsibilities
Did you know that moms do twice as much housework and childcare duties as husbands? This includes working mothers! The responsibility to take care of household chores, take care of the children and work create enormous stress. While our culture has made great strides in equality when compared to sixty years ago, there’s still a gap in responsibility.
Especially for working moms, discuss the breakdown of chore responsibility in your home. If the stress of managing everything is overwhelming, it may be time to rework the responsibilities.
Don’t Stress Yourself Out
Now that you’ve completed the mom stress calculator, don’t let the results stress you out. The goal isn’t to feel bad about your amount of stress. The goal should be to acknowledge your stress and find ways to relieve the stress.
Look for ways to make time for yourself. When my children were babies, I started a bookclub with four other book-loving moms. Nine years later we still meet once a month to talk about books and motherhood. It’s a great outlet to connect with other women while I take a break from my family.
Also, let your spouse help you. As a mom, it is okay to ask for help. Break down household chores more evenly. Also, remember to spend time with your spouse. You should not feel guilty about hiring a babysitter and skipping an evening of putting your kids to bed. In fact, my husband and I have been known to take a walk around the neighborhood until our children’s bedroom lights are out if we return too early from a date night.
Finally, if you feel your stress is more than typical mom stress, seek guidance from your doctor.
